Some Story About Social Anxiety

some story about social anxiety

My Life As A 25 Year Old Female Hikikomori

I feel like such an outcast. It seems like most other girls my age are living their lives, starting families, and getting careers. Meanwhile I have trouble even going downstairs to say good morning to my dad. I feel like a failure, but every time I think about doing something with my life or finding a job, my anxiety paralyzes me and I just repeat this loop forever. Every time life seems to be going good, something always happens, and back to square one I go. I swear that I'm the most unlucky person in this world.

I just live with my dad right now and he's not home during the day, so every day is just me sitting in bed on my phone or watching anime. I like to sleep underneath my bed because it makes me feel safe and protected. I hate to admit it, but I've been using certain substances that I'm not proud of, and really need to cut back on my drinking. I feel like such a loser, but am too anxious to do anything about it. I go to my therapist every week, and even the drive there gives me so much anxiety, but I think it's helping.

It feels like a lot of the world invalidates me seeing that I'm a girl. People always tell me how easy it is for girls to make friends and do things. But I just can't do it. People constantly tell me how attractive I am and that I shouldn't worry, but that just makes me feel so much worse. It makes me feel like "I'm attractive, yet I still can't do anything with my life or have any meaningful relationships". It feels like they are telling me that I should have it easy, but I promise I don't.

I have literally almost no friends. But that's also my fault, because I haven't really pursued any friends. But I want that to change. I really wish I could find a friend that relates to me. I love music, watching anime, and talking about weird things like rocks and plants. I'm also learning Japanese! You don't have to be a social outcast like me, but it would be nice to find someone that is going through what I am going through. I really need that daily communication in my life. Can anyone help me out, or give me any tips on how to break free from this cycle?

I cryed during a phone interview today

I (22m) was so stupid to even think this could work out.

I did two successful tests during the application process and today they called me for a spontaneous phone interview. The recruiter asked me why I wanted to work for them. I thought and went dead silent. After they made sure that I am still on, I realized how long I haven't said anything. I just panicked more and stumbled over my prepared answer. They weren't really happy with my incoherent reply and I just went silent again and started crying slowly. The only thing I could say was that I want to retract my application.

They were so dumbfounded apprently and asked me several times if I was sure. I just couldn't anymore and wanted it to end. I will never get a job and it is entirely my fault.