People think I’m a Freak

I get bullied out of every job and social environment.

Everyone thinks I’m rude, standoffish, weird, or mentally “slow”.

This very extroverted guy at my job mockingly said “Now don’t get all shaken up” before he asked me a question and my other coworkers laughed with him. Like they were ridiculing my highly anxious responses and avoidant behavior.

And this same guy always stares at my legs or body when speaking to me (rather than make eye contact) if I have to go in his office to ask him something, so he already makes me uncomfortable and stressed out.

I constantly get patronized and spoken down to like I’m a 12 year old (when I’m in my mid 20s). No one thinks I’m capable of handling any important tasks, despite the fact I have a masters degree.

I had to go get coffee for a bunch of senior people in the office today and this older woman literally acted like I was incapable of such a simple task. She kept explaining everything in slow detail and asking “do you need help sweetie” and “you got this” in the same high-pitch tone people use to speak to children or dogs. It is so humiliating being treated like this.

Over time, all my coworkers seem to develop less and less respect for me. I’m either classified as rude and uncooperative or ditzy and “slow”. I feel like a complete joke. People always ask me if I’m “overwhelmed” too.

I can’t handle this anymore. Maybe I can only work 100 percent remote (I wish I could, but I don’t think I could portray myself as competent and likeable enough in an interview). But I’m sick and tired of being bullied and ostracized out of every workplace. I’m so tired of being branded as a rude bitch or a “slow” mentally disabled person because I am quiet and awkward. It’s humiliating and demoralizing.

Suggestions:

It sounds like you have social anxiety. Do you constantly worry about what others think of you, or do you feel like you are imposing yourself on others, simply by being in the same vicinity as them? You probably are afraid to be assertive about your wants and needs because you feel like you are being a burden and being demanding.

But, at the same time, you always cater to the needs of others. Maybe you're a chameleon and good at adapting to the needs of those around you, whilst neglecting your own needs.

If this is an accurate description of you then yes, you did have an abusive childhood because these are all fawn responses. You probably had a narcissistic parent, and you learned at a young age to always cater to their wants and needs because it was a survival instinct. If you could please them then you would be safe.

So now, as an adult, these maladaptive habits are no longer serving you. Maybe you spend more time catering to the needs of other than you do your own needs. This makes you look like a people-pleasing pushover which makes the people around you lose respect for you. This is because you don't respect yourself. You have very little confidence in yourself. When people tell you to jump, you ask them how high. Hell, I could probably have you entirely indoctrinated into the cult of the crazy shit I believe in less than a week... you would make a great disciple.

The first thing I want you to understand is that the people in the world around you aren't making judgements about you. They aren't wondering what you're doing. They aren't thinking about you, or paying attention to you in any way, shape or form. Nobody is. People these days are so self-absorbed in their artificial online worlds that they can hardly be bothered to care about anyone else outside of themselves. The only time anyone is going to give a thought about your presence is if you get in their way. If you impose yourself on them. I'm saying all of this to help you with your social anxiety. There's nothing to be anxious about and no one is judging you. Stop worrying about what others think about you, because they're not thinking about you. You can relax.

I bet you are the person that everybody needs you to be. You probably adjust yourself to the people around you, and you end up being the you that they want you to be. They want you to be in a certain place that is the most ideal for them, and it is always on a level lower than they are. Nobody wants you to succeed. They like you when you make them feel lifted about themselves. You are so used to being what others need you to be that you probably don't even know who you actually are.

Ok, I don't know if I'm actually describing you or not and I'm going to stop making assumptions about you and I apologize for - just kidding! Stop apologizing for everything! Stop being the girl that's always sorry. The "I'm sorry" girl.

What you really need is an opportunity to be authentic. When you are able to be authentically the person who you are, you will become so much more confident in yourself. You will have a much stronger sense of identity and you will be much happier. I hope you find someone who will love you for who you are and want you to succeed. Then one day you will realize that it's been months since you apologized for anything.